Moment of Truth
by phaedra's love
Summary: When Buffy comes back from the dead she realizes that she pushed the one person that can help her away.


Title: Moment of Truth

Author: Phaedra's Love

Fandom: BtVS

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Disclaimer: This all belongs to Joss.

She hated lying to them, she'd always hated lying to them and yet it never seemed to stop her from doing it. Lying had only gotten easier after telling them the biggest lie of all. Of course, she knew she hadn't actually lied about the vast difference between hell and heaven, merely let them believe whatever it was that helped them sleep at night. She was used to that. Making the giant sacrifices for her friends. Putting their needs above her's at all times. It was just one of the many things that added up to being the Slayer, to being Buffy.

It was easy to let them believe that she was going to see Angel. She couldn't tell them that the person on the other end of the line had only been another bill collector wondering when she was going to make good on one of the many debts she couldn't afford to pay back. She couldn't tell them that the reason she was rushing off in the dead of night was sitting behind bars. She wouldn't tell them, because like everything else in her life that she kept hidden- they wouldn't understand.

That was the problem. No one ever understood. They pretended to try and she pretended to let them but in the end the old adage of she alone haunted her every single night.

When she passed through the security at the Southern California Women's Correctional Facility just north of Los Angeles she could feel it. It hit her hard in the gut and she thought to double over with it for only a minute. There was the whisper in her head, that faint voice that told her that she had to remain the ever strong one. Even here. Even in front of the one person who could possibly understand. The only person who might honestly try.

She had only been sitting in the hard iron chair, staring at the misty fingerprint stained glass for a few minutes when the familiar brunette plopped down on the other side. The two of them just sat there for a minute, staring at eachother for what felt like a forever before she reached for the phone. Taking a cue from her Sister Slayer, Faith reached for the receiver on her end at the same time.

"You don't look surprised to see me." Buffy said lightly, not sure how to even begin this conversation and suddenly afraid that coming to see Faith was a mistake.

"I knew you were coming."

Another moment of silence fell over the two of them, and it still amazed Buffy that sometimes they didn't even need words to communicate. Suddenly she felt more at home than she'd felt in the last few weeks. The urge to smash through the glass and drag Faith out before disappearing into the night momentarily consumed her. She had to fight to repress the urge as the guards looked on curiously.

"Though I gotta say. Didn't think I'd ever live to see a day you'd come visit me in the clink." Faith finally broke the silence, dark eyes searching Buffy's for something...anything.

Buffy wondered if Faith was afraid to search too hard. Eventually she decided it was a question she didn't want to know the answer to.

"Well, alot's happened." Buffy replied, as if this explained everything.

"Yeah. You look pretty good for a dead chick." Faith agreed.

Suddenly Buffy knew exactly why she'd come to visit Faith. Because Faith didn't tiptoe around her, didn't walk on eggshells. Faith said exactly what she was thinking when she was thinking it regardless of everyone else's feelings. This used to annoy her, but suddenly she found it comforting. She needed someone to look her straight in the eye and understand. Understanding without the oppresive cloud of anxiety hanging over her head. Buffy needed this, craved it, wanted it so bad that she was afraid of what she might do.

"Don't you want to know how it happened? How I'm back?"

"Not really. Just glad that you are."

She couldn't quite pinpoint it, but Faith's answer frustrated Buffy. She wanted to spill her guts, she wanted to cry and scream about how unfair it was. She'd fought, she'd won, she'd earned her rest, her peace. Why didn't Faith want to know all of that? Vaguelly she wondered if maybe Faith just didn't care but the look in familiar dark eyes plainly stated otherwise. How easy it would be for Buffy to believe that truth. That lie.

"They brought me back. They thought I was in hell." She couldn't let it go, she felt like she had to tell someone or else she might burst.

Faith only snorted.

"No offense, B but your friends are wicked stupid if they thought you were in hell." Faith's voice took on a slightly jealous edge but otherwise seemed to only be relieved.

"Yeah. I just...I don't know why I'm here. I can't deal. They think they did this great thing, they think they saved me and I'm so sick of lying to them! I'm just...I'm tired, Faith. I'm so tired."

"I know."

Another wave of silence passed over the two of them as Buffy fidgeted in the unyielding iron chair. Minutes ticked by until it almost seemed like hours, days, years, decades. Buffy knew that Angel couldn't do this for her. She came looking for understanding and she'd found it. Now she didn't have the faintest idea of what to do with it.

Except something stupid.

"Time's up." One of the guards called out, making his way towards where Faith sat.

A flare of panic went up inside of Buffy. This moment of truth, of understanding was exactly what she had needed but it was over too soon. She was afraid. So very afraid that if she went back to her life, her lie she would only damage the people that she loved. It worried her more that she didn't care.

"Faith," She said suddenly before giving herself anytime to think it through. These were her big moments, generally her big mistakes and she knew she was about to make the biggest one. "I need you right now. I can't go back there, I can't go back to them. Come with me."

Faith stared at her for a long drawn out minute, seconds ticking by again as the guard came to retrieve her and drag her back to her cell. Her own hell. When Buffy stopped to really think about it, their lives were parallel despite how different the two of them were. Only a second, a small movement, a mere acknowledgement in the nod of a dark head and Buffy's fist was through the glass in the blink of an eye.

Faith's own fist shot up and smarted across the guard's chin, sending him staggering back into the wall with a muted cry for help. Help was too late. Help was already here. Buffy's fingers clasped around Faith's arm and suddenly Faith was being pulled through jagged glass.

She knew it wasn't what she had come here to do. She knew it was the wrong thing to do. She wished it surprised her more that she didn't care. Maybe it was Faith's old philosophy coming back to haunt her. Want. Take. Have. She didn't care. If she was going to live in hell she was going to have at least one thing that was only for her. One thing that she needed in this world.

"Hold on." She instructed Faith, as she slammed her foot down on the gas pedal in Joyce's old Jeep. The only thing they left behind was the squeeling of tires as they escaped into the dark night.


End file.
